Dark side of the womb
When you find out you're pregnant you get all kinds of stories from friends and family, and occasionally the random two cents on public transportation. Everyone has a story. What nobody will tell you about is the sometimes very dark side of parenting. A babies cry is designed to cause a reaction in adults, namely the parents. It gets your attention, even in a crowded room, which is pretty cool! Until you are stuck at home alone with it, and nothing will make it stop.
It's taboo to talk about those "icky" feelings you can get when you're baby won't stop screaming. You start out strong, making eye contact and smiling at the sweet face staring back at you as you rock and shush. We've done this a thousand times, no big deal! Then they start shrieking like a deranged monkey that's being skinned alive and having bamboo shoots shoved under their tiny finger nails. You pull out all the stops, but it's no use. These are the moments I hate. Not because I hate my babies, but because moments like this put a spotlight on my complete inability to control both the situation and my own emotions. My blood boils over, I see red, my body tenses up, and it's time to put the baby down and go into the other room to string as many obscenities together I can think of. Count to 10, punch the pillow, growl or scream at the pillow (my pillows are nice and soft as a result).
This is the dark side. When you get so frustrated that, if you don't remove yourself from the situation, you may be too rough with your baby. How awful is that? It's bad enough that we feel this way, sprinkle a little guilt on top and you've got a recipe for a total mommy meltdown. Why am I telling you this? Not because I'm trying to scare you, and definitely not to be judged for my totally normal reaction. I'm telling you, so that if a day comes when you too can't control your emotions and have to walk away, you are not alone. You're not alone. So many have fought this very same battle before you, and they survived. They're babies survived, thrived even. I wish people wouldn't be so afraid to talk about these things, because it leaves a lot of parents in the dark and feeling like they're the bad guy. There is no bad guy. We're all just doing the best we can, and sometimes the best thing we can do is to put our babies down and walk away for a moment.
The only thing we can do from there is to continue to work on ourselves and how we handle our emotions in stressful or frustrating situations, as they will come up eventually. It's our job to show our children what's right and wrong, but we must also model how they can appropriately express strong emotions. I never really gave this aspect much thought, so it's really caught me off guard. Just know, as I have mentioned in past posts, that you are not a bad parent because you had a breakdown or had to walk away. You aren't the first, and you won't be the last. Just take it in stride, learn from your mistakes, and try again next time.
It's taboo to talk about those "icky" feelings you can get when you're baby won't stop screaming. You start out strong, making eye contact and smiling at the sweet face staring back at you as you rock and shush. We've done this a thousand times, no big deal! Then they start shrieking like a deranged monkey that's being skinned alive and having bamboo shoots shoved under their tiny finger nails. You pull out all the stops, but it's no use. These are the moments I hate. Not because I hate my babies, but because moments like this put a spotlight on my complete inability to control both the situation and my own emotions. My blood boils over, I see red, my body tenses up, and it's time to put the baby down and go into the other room to string as many obscenities together I can think of. Count to 10, punch the pillow, growl or scream at the pillow (my pillows are nice and soft as a result).
This is the dark side. When you get so frustrated that, if you don't remove yourself from the situation, you may be too rough with your baby. How awful is that? It's bad enough that we feel this way, sprinkle a little guilt on top and you've got a recipe for a total mommy meltdown. Why am I telling you this? Not because I'm trying to scare you, and definitely not to be judged for my totally normal reaction. I'm telling you, so that if a day comes when you too can't control your emotions and have to walk away, you are not alone. You're not alone. So many have fought this very same battle before you, and they survived. They're babies survived, thrived even. I wish people wouldn't be so afraid to talk about these things, because it leaves a lot of parents in the dark and feeling like they're the bad guy. There is no bad guy. We're all just doing the best we can, and sometimes the best thing we can do is to put our babies down and walk away for a moment.
The only thing we can do from there is to continue to work on ourselves and how we handle our emotions in stressful or frustrating situations, as they will come up eventually. It's our job to show our children what's right and wrong, but we must also model how they can appropriately express strong emotions. I never really gave this aspect much thought, so it's really caught me off guard. Just know, as I have mentioned in past posts, that you are not a bad parent because you had a breakdown or had to walk away. You aren't the first, and you won't be the last. Just take it in stride, learn from your mistakes, and try again next time.
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