Foot in mouth syndrome

If you've made it past the newborn stage unscathed, odds are you'll be more than ready to rejoin good society and get out of the house. If you're still in the newborn stage and have reached this point , you're as crazy as I am! I totally get it, though. I'm an extrovert, so cutting all contact with the outside world cold turkey was a challenge for me. Before you do venture out into the world, be warned there is a disease that's near causing mass hysteria. It's a little something I like to call Foot in Mouth syndrome.

The phenomenon occurs most often in heavily populated areas, where the afflicted person says tactless and inappropriate things without thought. Word vomit, if you will. I'm a regular patron to the public transit system, and as such have a higher exposure rate to sufferers of FIMS. The number one question I think all moms get asked, is the gender, which is hardly offensive. Except for the fact that 90% of the time, they'll assume it's the opposite gender to what they really are. I know what you're thinking, I'll just slap a bow on my daughters head or dress my son in blue! It doesn't matter. Your girl could be wearing all pink and a tutu and there would still be at least one person who will insist she's a boy. In fact, the less hair your daughter has, the greater the odds people will assume she's a boy. Which is really ridiculous, because what baby is born with flowing, feminine hair? 

Then if you decide, to hell with it! People will think she's a boy regardless to how I dress her, so I'll just dress her however I want. A mixture of pinks blues purples and greens, sometimes "boy clothes", sometimes not. You can't win there either. Then people feel the need to criticize the way you dress your child. "Why is he wearing pink?" Because I like it...?

There are also the all knowing do-gooders, the ones that are never satisfied with the number of layers your child is wearing in relation to the weather. We can never win! They either look too cold or too hot. The people that insist on pulling my girls lap blanket over their feet or hands for me. Ok.....no. A. Don't touch my kids...ever B. You don't think I tried that? Multiple times? They aren't statues, they fling that shit off with a ferocity someone that small shouldn't posses. 

Last but not least, there's this question; "when are you having another?" Look at me! My belly still looks like a train wreck from this last trauma it endured, I have yogurt in my hair and on my clothes, I've been wearing the same yoga pants (for which I never use to actually do yoga, or anything physical) for the last four days, and my baby is clearly still under a year old. Can't I just enjoy my babies for a little while before perfect strangers start playing 20 questions about my next pregnancy? 

These all seem like harmless offenses, until its the 10th time you've been on the receiving end of it in a 24 hour period. Or maybe I'm just more sensitive to it than others....I could honestly go on all day about this, but we all have things to do...like stopping my girls from grabbing that poo diaper I forgot to put up.