Being the best mom I can be

I'm hardly an expert on being a parent, but I like to think I'm an expert on my girls. When I was still pregnant, I did everything I could to prepare, as most expectant mothers do. I even looked at every parenting philosophy I could find to see which one(s) best suited me and how I planned to raise my children. I was ready, I knew exactly how I wanted things to be! The funny thing is, life couldn't give two shits about your plans. For a habitual planner such as myself, this can be a difficult truth to wrap ones head around.

I was anti-vax, I planned to wear them and exclusively breast feed for at least the first year. I would have a natural delivery (since a home water birth was no longer an option) and would never dream of cosleeping! I'm laughing now as I say all this, because absolutely none of these plans came to fruition. I did wear them during the newborn stage every now and then, but just like everything else, I succumbed to the convenience and ease of the alternative methods available. Also, it really grinds my gears now when I hear about anti-vaxers. We won't get into that, though. It's a horse of a different color!

I'm telling you this because, more often than not, things will not go how you planned them in the wild world of parenting. I struggled for four months with breast feeding. One of my babes had a bad latch and the other, who had a beautiful latch, had horrible reflux. I'm talking exorcist status. Mountains of burp cloths and onesies, even my own clothes, to wash every day. It was incredibly stressful, I managed to keep them on breastmilk until 5 months through pumping and donor milk. Eventually I had to come to terms with the fact that this was distroying me, the stress and pressure to make enough. I was a formula baby, and there are so many other formula fed babies out there that are totally fine. Why is there such a stigma placed on feeding your baby formula? 

I was able to nurse off and on with the assistance of a nipple shield. This is the only documentation I have of nursing. I loved it when I was able to do it, but there are so many other ways to bond with my girls. I hate that I ever felt guilty for doing what was best for me and my babies.

I had a scheduled cesarean. Little miss baby A was breech. My OB was right with me in wanting to try for a natural vaginal delivery, but by 36 weeks we knew she wasn't moving and that was that. I've spoke with other women who have had cesareans, and the things people say. "Are you upset your body couldn't do what it was supposed to?" Never feel ashamed by your birth story. Your baby is here and that is what really matters.

We plan for things to work out, go the way we want them to. It just doesn't work out that way, sometimes. Looking back now, I know that everything happened exactly as it was meant to. Oh, I still have my moments of doubt, absolutely! But the fact of the matter is, I'm their mommy. I know what is the best for them, and for me. If anybody has any problems with that, well they can suck it. Until you have walked in someone else's shoes, its just none of their business. Be confident in yourself and the decisions you've made, you are a great parent! I always say, we're all just doing the best we can for our current circumstances.