There's no such thing as perfect

I'm not perfect. As a human being it's just in my nature to be flawed, and I take solace in knowing that I'm not alone. When I became a mom, it was like those flaws were thrown under a microscope. I think this is just a natural part of becoming a parent. The day we left the hospital just over a year ago, Ed had described it as the world being polarized. It looked different and felt faster, louder, and more dangerous than it had before. Obviously things have tamed down since then, otherwise I'd be a nervous wreck! Becoming a parent forces you to acknowledge your flaws, and even further, forces you to evaluate which of those flaws you don't want to pass down to your children. 

We think about this before the baby arrives, plan out how we want to raise them, who we hope they'll become as adults. I don't mean professionally, but what calibre of a person will they be. I don't feel like I really gave any thought to how my own lifestyle effected how I wanted to raise the girls until they had turned one! While I'm still trying to figure out exactly who I want to be, I have decided one thing. I need to make time for me every now and then.

There are some days, much like today, where I just want to nurture myself. Be it writing, or doing anything that gets my mind thinking creatively. My girls play by themselves, I'll jump in here and there, and I ignore that guilty part of my brain that tells me I need to spend every waking moment entertaining and engaging my girls. This is what I have to do to keep myself happy, and it's ok. 

I'm a big sharer of my crafty accomplishments, and fellow mom's will always ask me where I find the time. To put it plainly, I make the time. I wasn't able to quiet the guilt in the back of my mind until fairly recently; but I found that, if nothing else, the one thing I did want to be a part of my "new" life was time for me. Some folks may think that's selfish, but I'm not negligent. If my girls need me, I'm there. No question. I don't have a set schedule of "me" days, I just wake up in the morning and it is or it isn't. More often than not, it isn't, and the girls and I will go about our day just like any other. When I do wake up and feel like it's a me day, I don't feel guilty, and I'm able to nurture a part of myself that hasn't gotten a lot of attention lately.

So don't kill yourself over not being perfect. I've never met a single human that was, they'd surely be a fright to meet! Love your baby, love yourself. You don't have to sacrifice your own happiness and fulfilment in life to be a good parent. Treat yourself, you earned it! Now if you'll excuse me, after a few selfish minutes of self indulgent blogging, I'm going to take my girls to the Zoo!