Mothers Day
A lot has changed in the last couple of years. I've been a student for a little over a year and am finally pursuing teaching, I have a solid social life with people that I genuinely connect with, the girls are five years old now, and my writing style (and opinions on things) have changed dramatically. Don't get too bummed, though! I'm still the same sassy and fun loving gal I was before. Just not quiet so buried in guilt and denial that everything needs to be dripping with sarcasm. What an odd coping mechanism... Any who, I was with some friends last night and the subject of my old parenting blog came up, so I had to get back on here and revisit what that was all about. I must admit, there are a lot of posts that I just can't connect with anymore, which is insane because I wrote them! I have an interesting post in mind for today, so we'll see how that goes.
So this is my fifth mothers day (sixth if you count when I was prego). I have known folks who are mothers without earth-side children, folks who can't speak to their own mothers because of trauma or unhealthy relationships, folks who have lost their mothers and now must walk this earth without them, and mothers who have not yet had or are unable to have children but desperately want them. It's one of those holidays that seems like it should just be about showering the mothers in your life with love and appreciation for all that they do, but as with most things in life, it isn't always that simple.
Something that I have always felt incredibly ashamed and guilty of is how underwhelmed I am by parenting. I don't like being a mom. There, I said it. I don't want this to get confused with me not liking my children, because I think we all know that's not true. I love my girls with every fiber of my being! Without them, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. Plus, they're just fucking rad little humans! But the monotony of day to day life as a parent....it sucks. Give me some money so I can go do awesome shit with my kids and I will be a happy camper. I love watching them experience new things and just in general seeing the world through their eyes. But the constant needs, the messes, the fighting and the wining, the exhaustive demands of being a role model ALL. THE. TIME. I can't. I mean, obviously I do, but I'd really rather not. And because of the folks I mentioned above, those who would do anything to have their baby with them, whether they were lost or whether they never even came to be, makes me feel like an ungrateful piece of shit. Not to mention, people in general don't take too kindly to hearing you say you hate being a parent. Fortunately for me, I have a circle of friends that know what I'm like as a mother and don't judge me for feeling the way I do. Being a parent is fucking hard! It is the most challenging and thankless job ever.
The guilt is minimal now as I've found my little group of folks I can feel safe with, and I have a place where I can go and leave the title of mommy at the door and just be myself. I want to toss another type of mother in the ring to celebrate this mothers day. This is for the mothers who may or may not have even wanted to become mothers, but did. If you want to spend time with your babes today, do it. If you want to get the fuck out of the house and spend some quality time with yourself today, do it! You're doing a great job, and you deserve to be celebrated in whatever way you need to be celebrated today.
So this is my fifth mothers day (sixth if you count when I was prego). I have known folks who are mothers without earth-side children, folks who can't speak to their own mothers because of trauma or unhealthy relationships, folks who have lost their mothers and now must walk this earth without them, and mothers who have not yet had or are unable to have children but desperately want them. It's one of those holidays that seems like it should just be about showering the mothers in your life with love and appreciation for all that they do, but as with most things in life, it isn't always that simple.
Something that I have always felt incredibly ashamed and guilty of is how underwhelmed I am by parenting. I don't like being a mom. There, I said it. I don't want this to get confused with me not liking my children, because I think we all know that's not true. I love my girls with every fiber of my being! Without them, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. Plus, they're just fucking rad little humans! But the monotony of day to day life as a parent....it sucks. Give me some money so I can go do awesome shit with my kids and I will be a happy camper. I love watching them experience new things and just in general seeing the world through their eyes. But the constant needs, the messes, the fighting and the wining, the exhaustive demands of being a role model ALL. THE. TIME. I can't. I mean, obviously I do, but I'd really rather not. And because of the folks I mentioned above, those who would do anything to have their baby with them, whether they were lost or whether they never even came to be, makes me feel like an ungrateful piece of shit. Not to mention, people in general don't take too kindly to hearing you say you hate being a parent. Fortunately for me, I have a circle of friends that know what I'm like as a mother and don't judge me for feeling the way I do. Being a parent is fucking hard! It is the most challenging and thankless job ever.
The guilt is minimal now as I've found my little group of folks I can feel safe with, and I have a place where I can go and leave the title of mommy at the door and just be myself. I want to toss another type of mother in the ring to celebrate this mothers day. This is for the mothers who may or may not have even wanted to become mothers, but did. If you want to spend time with your babes today, do it. If you want to get the fuck out of the house and spend some quality time with yourself today, do it! You're doing a great job, and you deserve to be celebrated in whatever way you need to be celebrated today.
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