Intro to Twin Toddlers
Welcome to toddlerhood, where clothing is always optional and you harbor the free spirit of an eight shot woo-girl! After taking a year away from the blog, I'm back to share with you the trials, triumphs and terrors of parenting twin toddler lady-bosses in training. So buckle up, and don't forget to rear face, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!
When prompted to resume my tales in toddler wrangling, one story immediately jumped into my mind. So yeah... Here it is...
As some of you may know, three months ago I made the decision to return to work part time. Financially speaking, it hasn't done a damn thing aside from displacing my own retail intrigues (ahem, Target) and covering the expenses of our fantastic sitter, who brings her own two year old along to watch the girls. Let us all take a brief pause to acknowledge what a badass she is for keeping three two year olds alive 4 days a week.... Returning to work has, however, done a number for my mental and emotional well being. So the return is definitely worth all of the trouble. Anyhow, some weeks ago I decided to pop into Sephora and treat myself to a new lipstick. But not just any lipstick! It was the perfect shade of bright red, and it's sole purpose in existence was to never wear off. I can attest to this claim! Not even two days later, the weekend had arrived. I decided to take advantage of Ed being home and went upstairs to take a late morning siesta, leaving the girls in Ed's care. (I'm sorry to toss you under the bus here, Ed) Eddie boy fell asleep on the couch, and our devious girls took full advantage of the situation by ransacking moms unattended purse...
I woke up feeling fabulously refreshed, and meandered back downstairs to see what our quiet kiddos were up to. When I get downstairs, the first thing I see is Ed passed out cold on the couch. You know the look; head slumped backwards, mouth wide open and sawing 100 logs at once. So I peek around the corner to find two bright red toddlers with the worlds most guilty expressions on their faces. The entire contents of my purse were strewn about the room in hurricane like proportion, and both Jo and Mo had taken my new lipstick and generously applied it to their arms, legs and stomach, not forgetting to paint pretty clown like smiles around their lips. This was upsetting, maybe reaching about a 5 on the scale of how much trouble you're in with mom. Ed was at about a 7. I woke Ed up for reinforcements, and realized they had also traced all around daddy with what was left of my lipstick. After washcloths and water failed to removed the lipstick, we wound up needing to give them a bath to get the red paste off. They were still stained pink for a couple of days.
Then the afternoon rolls around, and after Ed steps out to grab us lunch I take the girls upstairs to get them down. But they weren't going down without a fight, and since the lipstick incident happened earlier, I just didn't have the fight in me. I left them in their room to play and get some "quiet" time.... After Ed returned, we decided to go up and grab the girls so we could all eat together. Halfway up the stairs, our noses are assaulted with the thick stank of poo. Yup, they took off their diapers. And there was poop all over the carpet. And the baby gate. And oh my god where is the fucking poop?! I proceed to interrogate both poopy girls on the whereabouts of their turds, and Jo brings me the worlds cutest and tiniest tea cup with a turd shoved into it. Great. Mo is undecided where hers is hiding. Ed gets both girls into the bath for the second time in one day, as they're both also covered in crap, while I stay in their room on a treasure hunt for shit. Finally I come to a pint-sized purse with a picture of Anna and Elsa on it, along with smeary poo-prints. Jackpot! I unzip it to reveal the second and final missing turd, and just throw both tainted objects in the trash. Sometimes you just gotta let that shit go! (See what I did there?)
After cleaning up the crime scene, I completely lost my shit. I mean, it's only fair, everyone else was doing it! I called my amazing mom to tell her all about it and how I was losing my shit, had a good cry...and then went to work. I was a bit too traumatized to recount the events of that day for about 24 hours, but I can laugh about it now. That's the biggest take away I want everyone to have from my tales of terror tonight. In parenthood, you MUST be able to laugh. It has gotten me through many trying times, and I have no doubt it will see me through many more.
When prompted to resume my tales in toddler wrangling, one story immediately jumped into my mind. So yeah... Here it is...
As some of you may know, three months ago I made the decision to return to work part time. Financially speaking, it hasn't done a damn thing aside from displacing my own retail intrigues (ahem, Target) and covering the expenses of our fantastic sitter, who brings her own two year old along to watch the girls. Let us all take a brief pause to acknowledge what a badass she is for keeping three two year olds alive 4 days a week.... Returning to work has, however, done a number for my mental and emotional well being. So the return is definitely worth all of the trouble. Anyhow, some weeks ago I decided to pop into Sephora and treat myself to a new lipstick. But not just any lipstick! It was the perfect shade of bright red, and it's sole purpose in existence was to never wear off. I can attest to this claim! Not even two days later, the weekend had arrived. I decided to take advantage of Ed being home and went upstairs to take a late morning siesta, leaving the girls in Ed's care. (I'm sorry to toss you under the bus here, Ed) Eddie boy fell asleep on the couch, and our devious girls took full advantage of the situation by ransacking moms unattended purse...
I woke up feeling fabulously refreshed, and meandered back downstairs to see what our quiet kiddos were up to. When I get downstairs, the first thing I see is Ed passed out cold on the couch. You know the look; head slumped backwards, mouth wide open and sawing 100 logs at once. So I peek around the corner to find two bright red toddlers with the worlds most guilty expressions on their faces. The entire contents of my purse were strewn about the room in hurricane like proportion, and both Jo and Mo had taken my new lipstick and generously applied it to their arms, legs and stomach, not forgetting to paint pretty clown like smiles around their lips. This was upsetting, maybe reaching about a 5 on the scale of how much trouble you're in with mom. Ed was at about a 7. I woke Ed up for reinforcements, and realized they had also traced all around daddy with what was left of my lipstick. After washcloths and water failed to removed the lipstick, we wound up needing to give them a bath to get the red paste off. They were still stained pink for a couple of days.
Then the afternoon rolls around, and after Ed steps out to grab us lunch I take the girls upstairs to get them down. But they weren't going down without a fight, and since the lipstick incident happened earlier, I just didn't have the fight in me. I left them in their room to play and get some "quiet" time.... After Ed returned, we decided to go up and grab the girls so we could all eat together. Halfway up the stairs, our noses are assaulted with the thick stank of poo. Yup, they took off their diapers. And there was poop all over the carpet. And the baby gate. And oh my god where is the fucking poop?! I proceed to interrogate both poopy girls on the whereabouts of their turds, and Jo brings me the worlds cutest and tiniest tea cup with a turd shoved into it. Great. Mo is undecided where hers is hiding. Ed gets both girls into the bath for the second time in one day, as they're both also covered in crap, while I stay in their room on a treasure hunt for shit. Finally I come to a pint-sized purse with a picture of Anna and Elsa on it, along with smeary poo-prints. Jackpot! I unzip it to reveal the second and final missing turd, and just throw both tainted objects in the trash. Sometimes you just gotta let that shit go! (See what I did there?)
After cleaning up the crime scene, I completely lost my shit. I mean, it's only fair, everyone else was doing it! I called my amazing mom to tell her all about it and how I was losing my shit, had a good cry...and then went to work. I was a bit too traumatized to recount the events of that day for about 24 hours, but I can laugh about it now. That's the biggest take away I want everyone to have from my tales of terror tonight. In parenthood, you MUST be able to laugh. It has gotten me through many trying times, and I have no doubt it will see me through many more.
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